open letters to famous people

i know it's been a tough week or two, what with the whole peru being mad about your communist bag, and everything. and so i know this isn't the best news in the world, but it is what it is:

now you're being branded a "home wrecker" by criss angel's wife, and you have to appear in divorce court as proof of his infidelity or whatever. i sympathize--that sucks. but i do have one question.

now, i didn't know criss angel was married, and i read somewhere else where they called her his "secret" wife, so it's possible you didn't know either--he seems like just the kind of guy who might not tell you. so i don't blame you so much for that.

my bigger beef is this: you chose this guy?


i mean, i know you're not the youngest, hottest girl in the world, and some people might may you have a huge mouth, but you seem pretty cool.

so: this guy?



i mean, this guy looks like the jersiest jersey boy to ever leave jersey! (no offense, jersey.)like bon jovi in 1987 minus the class!

i don't love j.t. or anything, but he's a hell of a lot cooler than some guy who can't even spell his (made up) name right.

i'm just saying: buck up, kid. you can do better. don't be "the other woman" for THIS douche.