open letters to famous people

i appreciate everything you have done for the blogging community. really i do.

don't thin that we're all ungrateful, just because we write about how drunk you always are, or how you can't drive well, or how you're a whore. all those things are...well, they're why we love you.

see, we know people can't get enough, and we can't either, and so we write about you, and talk trash about you, and make you out to be a loser (which we all think you really are, but whatever), and we put up pictures of you holding a knife, and coked up, and in a bra, and any nipple slips (that's not personal, we just love nipples--it's the internet, after all). and people look, and laugh, and that brings us an audience, and we write more, and so on, and so on, until finally one day google shows up to give us money for ads, or some other internet bigshot comes along to offer to pay us to write. it's what we're doing this for, after all--to get paid to do it.

but we do love it. so thanks for helping us break into the business.

we'll try to spread it around, not just dump on you all the time. don't worry, it's not hard!

seriously.

p.s. --and paris! can't forget paris. everything i said here: ditto, p!