open letters to famous people

i appreciate that you're a foreigner in a new land, and maybe things are strange and unfamiliar to you.

but this is not dancing. i know, cause i can't dance, so i know what not dancing looks like.

and if you ever see that little person again (i shouldn't say "midget," right?), tell him that if there's any song in the world he shouldn't be dancing too, it's that "go shorty, it's your birthday song." it's a step back for all of his kind.

i'm sure all the ones that are advancing the cause by pulling a jet plane in a race against an elephant wouldn't appreciate it.